“Mom…MOM…mommyyyyyy!!!” I pure jump out of my skin as my youngest son comes running into the house screaming at the top of his lungs. “What in the world?? Stop hollering and tell me what’s wrong!” He screamed, “Mr. Brian is trying to hang himself!!” I gasped questioningly, “What???!! Show me where he is………….”
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This is how my Saturday morning started after a very long hard tiring week, several years ago and it still makes me cringe and laugh. But before I get too far let me set the scene.
My hardworking husband, who is hardly ever sick and has barely ever missed a day of work in his life, hurt his back and ended up with a severely pinched nerve. Now you have to understand, the strongest possible medicine he would ever take was powdered BC’s or Tylenol.
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Another thing you need to remember, is pain….REAL pain, for a long time can break a person’s reasoning down quite a bit. To where you wonder if they have any common sense at all. I would find him trying all sort of things to get relief in his back, but I never IMAGINED HE WOULD GO THIS FAR.!!
So my youngest son grabs my hand and leads me out to where all this is going down. This is what I see……
I see my oldest son, staring blankly behind him, sitting in my 4-door, red jeep that is backed up into the small shed we have for our yard equipment. My daughter is laughing hysterically, and then there is my husband, sitting on the floor inside the shed, behind the jeep, untying a rope from around his ankles and the hitch of my jeep!
So a week before this debacle my husband hurt his back lifting a boat motor off of a motor stand. He is a Outboard motor mechanic and has been doing this job for over 26 years and he has always been very careful to lift correctly so this sort of thing would not happen. But on this day, as he turned to carry the 25 hp motor to the test tank, he tripped over a broom handle that was lying in his path. He caught himself in an awkward position still holding the motor upright. Bless his heart he saved the motor but ruined his back.
By nightfall, he was in excruciating pain. He was self employed so no insurance and even if he did have it he would not have used it. Except this was the worst pain he had ever experienced and it was driving him mad. So we headed to the emergency room the next evening. After he got off work, I might add. He was in so much pain that he couldn’t even sign in, I had to do that for him. Now, you have to understand, I am usually a very compassionate person and hate to see people in pain, especially a loved one, but I am here to tell you, I was not very helpful at this point. You see, he is not very nice when he is hurting and I am not very nice, if your not nice. So my compassion went out the window. I watched him lie on the floor in front of the outer door of the ER, whimpering and moaning, as people walked in. I acted like I didn’t even know him. They stared and I stared. It was awful!! Long story short they finally called him into the examination room, and sent him home with pain pills and muscle relaxers. NOTHING helped! And remember I told you he doesn’t take medicine well….
Now, as the week progressed, he was still in pain…(and now so was I) Now I was ready to shoot him leave him whichever came first. So, this brings us up to the day he almost stupidly killed himself!!
“Mom…MOM…mommyyyyyy!!!” I pure jump out of my skin as my youngest son comes running into the house screaming at the top of his lungs. “What in the world?? Stop hollering and tell me what’s wrong!” He screamed, “Mr. Brian is trying to hang himself!!” I shouted, “What???!! Show me where he is………….”
My normally level headed husband had had enough pain and needed sleep. He concocted the idea, that if he stretched his back out, his nerves would align and his back would finally have relief. I mean that’s what gravity tables do right?? RIGHT?? But instead of telling his perfectly sane wife his new amazing idea, he deliriously took matters into his own capable (NOT) hands.
To add to the suspense, my oldest son was only around 15-years-old. No permit, never in the driver’s seat of a vehicle, no experience, no nothing, except the knowledge that a gas pedal means ‘GO’ and the brake pedal means ‘STOP’. My usually level headed husband decided he would throw a rope over the supporting beam in the roof of our tiny garden shed and then make a loop that fit perfect over the hitch of my 4-door red jeep. He then decided it would be a great idea to tie the other end around his ankles. I think you can just let your imaginations run from here, because that is exactly what was happening to me as this story unfolded. My daughter, around 14 at this time, was the mediator between my son and my husband. Her job was to tell my oldest boy to slightly (like he knows what that means) to step on the gas pedal and when to step on the break.
Yep, is sound great so far right? The only thing was my son was nervous as hell! Had never driven a car, had no idea how much pressure to put on a gas pedal, much less, to go slow and how to stop quickly. Oh and did I mention, he had never put a car in gear? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Only thing I can tell you is Thank God, he didn’t. Because he put that car in reverse and backed straight into my little shed, crushing my lawnmower and breaking yard tools.
Had my oldest boy thrown that jeep into forward gear, my husband would have been dead, I mean graveyard D E A D!! I almost became physically ill when I ran up to the aftermath of this insane plan. Needless to say, he rethought his decision to stretch out his back and realized he had warped our kids beyond reasonable doubt and that this little episode in our lives will live on and on in all our family stories.